Prophecies of the Doom Fairy, pt. XII

Truly this moment is the beginning of some dark times.  Scorpio is gaining steam as the astrological marker which will shape the coming winter months.  To be frank, even I am a little surprised at just how thoroughly malevolent the general tendency is.  The political debate in America is now so entirely fucked, so remarkably divorced from the necessities of the times that I don’t even think it matters what happens south of the border.  Either way Netanyahu will force NATO’s hand and regardless of what America does it will be seen to have left Israel to collapse, decay and chaos.

All of this is necessary, the chaos is necessary.  Scorpio has a narrative, a couple actually but the two that will have the spot light upon them will be that of the rending apart of seemingly certain allies and confidants as well as that of new purpose and direction being nursed to life by the forces of untamed chaos and the wild necessity of basic desire.  It’ll be some Lord of the Flies type shit.

When Venus gets in the mix in mid-November we will collectively shed the last of that righteous civility which has marked the last couple of years and get down-right self-serving and that is going to cast some dark clouds over the next year.  As the troubles in N. Africa worsen the flow of shell-shocked, emotionally and physically battered Muslims will stream in ever increasing numbers into Southern Europe and they will bring dogmatically extreme forms of Islam with them (because that will be all they had to take with them out of the middle east and what they credit with their survival).  Places like Spain, Greece and Italy and Southern France, portions of the European Union already feeling the pressure of economic collapse and austerity.  France, hitherto Germany’s ally and support throughout the economic struggles of the Union will collapse under the ongoing pressure of an unstoppable flow of N. African refugees and its own bloated hedonistic self-identity, I wager the cracks will start showing by this time next year if it takes that long.

Needless to say, civil unrest will increase proportionately with austerity compounded by illegal immigration in Southern Europe.  Austerity measures will encourage a nationalist revival, the mechanics of which I discussed a bit in the previous column and that nationalism married as it is to unreasoning deprivation is already turning quickly to fascism and that is a trend I unfortunately see continuing for the next couple of years.  Truly I believe that there is a subtle fascist overtone to the UK’s consolidation of power among its previous colonies.  In the months since my last column Canada has changed the name of its military forces (marking them as an extension of Her Majesties Forces) and more recently combined all of its foreign embassies with those of the UK.  British conservatives are lauding this development as a concretizing of the ‘Anglosphere’, causing Francophone Canadians to cringe everywhere.  The consolidation of the Sovereign Banks of Canada and England will be the final step in that messy business.

Spectral Nazis indeed, except some of them weren’t spectral or even Nazis. Some of them were just pervert fetishists dressed up for a particularly elaborate fetish ball.  That guy in the side-car was hung like a suspension bridge.  When Venus passes through this deep malefica in November that’s what the perceptive will see in all of this.  That really it’s all just costuming for our selfishness, that the world is now too big and inter-connected for an old world problem like nationalistic fascism.  It’s all just costuming for the greatest of Foucault’s mystery plays.  It’s not really a regression to WWII mentalities, it’s Halloween at a gay leather bar.  As it becomes more apparent that there is going to be those who come out on top and those who don’t we will get more callously unconscious in telegraphing our fears and desires onto the world.  All the old symbols and socio-political fascist window dressing are really just adverts for the current collective’s immediate willingness to forcibly make you subject to its own ideologies in increasingly unreasoning attempts to preserve the status quo. 

Keep Calm and Carry On.  Obviously, the answer is to ignorantly continue on as though nothing is happening.  Obviously.

Prophecies of the Doom Fairy, pt. IV

Astrology for Whores and Hustlers

(9:30am, March 15^th, 2011)

Uranus is so on my ascendant right now.  It is on that shit like a priest on a 12 year old mute. 

Uranus transited into Aries on the 11^th, the day of the earthquake in Japan.  Bringing it into a whole-sign opposition with Saturn in Libra and a square with Pluto in Capricorn, remember the shit-storm that broke out mid-summer last year?  While easily as intense as the grand cross of that period, this t-square also has a certain permanence that the last did not, this one wants to make lasting changes.

Every month (and right now), as the moon transits her rulership in Cancer she will trigger that grand cross.  This energy will most likely manifest in events with a momentum greater than your own.  It’s not just an earth-shattering earthquake; it’s also a nuclear meltdown three days later.  Any unfinished business you have from the previous months will demand attention at these moments (court dates, etc.), the longer it takes to resolve these issues the worse they will become.

Saturn is retrograding, which is good because it allows us to take the time to work out the kinks in implementing our plans or (more likely), provides us with the time we need to carry them out.  Saturn retrograding is also bad because as it retreats into the earlier degrees of Libra it moves into ever tightening aspect with the aforementioned t-square of shit-disturbing, creating the distinct possibility that it will be in fact, your shit which is disturbed.

So much of the aspect I am talking about is generational with such sweeping overtones, that it’s hard not see it on that scale (if you have an account with Bank of America, I’d maybe switch banks).  The world will not calm down until Saturn has stationed and starts putting some distance between herself and that t-square, the station itself will most likely coincide with events as traumatic as those of the last few days since during that period in June the Sun will anchor the grand cross along with the Moon in Cancer.  That’s not until June though, an expanse of time which no doubt vastly exceeds your attention span.  Try to remember to clench those cheeks tightly.

For those of you wondering when things are going to calm down again, the answer is never.  NEVER.  My ascendant has been in the shower scrubbing itself for six hours while weeping and asking to wear ‘her good-girl leash’.  If you haven’t realized it already, there is no going back now.

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Prophecies of the Doom Fairy, pt. III

Astrology for Whore and Hustlers

( 5:45 pm, March 6^th, 2011)

Now that Venus has moved into Aquarius and heads towards her trine with Saturn and the Moon has gotten through Pisces some of you have most likely found the inspiration to get up off the couch, put down the mixing bowl full of chocolate-chip cookie dough and do something.  Others however are lost in their haze of refined sugar, alcohol and fat and stand at risk perhaps of missing out on the tremendous growth possible beneath our Jupiter ruled skies.  To these latter I say; STOP EATING THE CHOCOLATE-CHIP COOKIE DOUGH, YO.  THAT SHIT IS FUCKIN’ GROSS.  At least masturbate or something.

If your still recovering from gun wounds received during last month’s all Saturn gang-bang extravaganza then please, disregard the first paragraph of this entry. 

While it is true that the whole of this March will not be negotiable without varying degrees of intoxication and sexual indiscretion this is not to be misconstrued with a free-pass to lay in your water-bed until you get sores.  You totally can do that for most of March if want but your pass isn’t free, your ass will get dumped in April.  I am glad to find that for many the increasing pressures of the last couple months terminated in bottles of Jack Daniels and enough weed you could stuff a mattress with it and so are really just to fucking hung-over at this point to go hard.  Saved from your feeble self-control by your complete lack of motivation, it’s the Piscean way.           

The bright clear inspirations of February already begin to tarnish beneath the weight of practical execution, if you have even managed to act yet.  Pisces will happily reward a less-than-Herculean effort, you really don’t have to work that hard for the universe to take notice of you right now but it is your efforts it will notice.  If last month brought legal problems for you prepare to be confronted with them, Venus makes her pass through Aquarius behind the rest of the gang and her trine to Saturn will likely initiate the legal proceedings.  The truly unlucky still sitting in jail will probably get out over the next couple of days while the Moon makes its pass through Aries and transits Jupiter.

As I mentioned in the last Doom Fairy entry, this is also an excellent time to find out who stabbed you in the back last month.  Back-biting, slanderous gossip, complete fabrications slung in the name of character assassinations and unconscionable seductions are pretty much par for the course over the next couple of weeks so you might as well get in on the action.  Be forewarned however that if you’re not careful with your confidences they might catch up with you in April when that chick you slammed while you were dishing with your girlfriends punches you in the tit because it got back to her from her brother’s cousin’s ex-girlfriend. 

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Prophecies of the Doom Fairy, pt. II

Astrology for Whores and Hustlers

(Written, 12:30 am, February 24^th, 2011. )  

For the last two days hustlers and whores everywhere have rejoiced.  Finally that epic 4 planet stellium in Aquarius has moved on to Pisces, and rulership has passed from Saturn (who just turned retrograde and mean) to Jupiter.  Finally we can go back to be rewarded for our charm and craftiness instead of how hard we work.  That shit was getting tedious.  I am reaching back about a month here.

Saturn and Jupiter are opposing each other and that is creating some high weirdness.  Our relationships are being tested at every turn, (is this guy in the dashing khaki’s a narc? do I really have to tell you again to stop jizzing in my ear?).  Keep in mind that you are being simultaneously just as annoying as everyone else is, (what does this shithead have against khakis? whats the big deal if I jizz in your ear?).  The imposition of rules was what that was all about, a sort of generalized ‘this is how it’s going to be’. 

Some of you are probably up on charges already or crashing and burning.  You got a month or so for recuperation.

If you didn’t get popped and you didn’t freak out then you’re in pretty good standing.  Even if that meant being regrettably confrontational over things that were previously non-issues, Saturn the planet that loves rules was on your side ($500 extra to jizz in my ear, never ever wear khakis in my sight ever again). 

Who knows, maybe that khaki-wearing, ear-jizzing freak was a narc or something and those that didn’t bounce his ass are most likely the same as those that got popped.  That brings us up to now roughly.

I am relieved to say, that part is over.  Those of you left standing after the bombs finished falling are in for a prosperous time one way or the other because half of your rivals went down in the crossfire, so there is some business to be had and vacuums to be filled.  The caveat to this new found plenty is that half your allies also got taken out in the crossfire so you’re likely a bit more vulnerable then you were in January. 

For now however, the battle has ceased and some dangerously ambiguous espionage is going to happen. This many planets in Pisces means some accentuated 12^th house action … you might want to find out who invited the khaki-wearing ear-jizzer.  Careful observation over the next couple of weeks will reveal where your new alliances should lay and who you should avoid (this might surprise you).

If you got popped or freaked out, stop freaking out now.  If you can sort the wreckage in the next couple of weeks then you’re golden, no permanent damage done.  Most likely anyone popped over the last month won’t see a court date until April at the soonest so lay low this month and obscure your trail, they’ll have a mess of new problems to deal with by the end of March and you’ll be long forgotten by then.   

For the next month, make your very presence in the room a gift.  Do not ask to be accepted for your horribly flawed secret self (which everything being in Pisces is going to make you want to do,) instead radiate only your best and most seductively charming persona.  Defer to the emotional and egoic needs of others and Jupiter will see you properly rewarded with something other than the long-suffering of your friends, like an extra 500 bones for ear jizz at the very least. 

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