Prophecies of the Doom Fairy, pt. III

Astrology for Whore and Hustlers

( 5:45 pm, March 6^th, 2011)

Now that Venus has moved into Aquarius and heads towards her trine with Saturn and the Moon has gotten through Pisces some of you have most likely found the inspiration to get up off the couch, put down the mixing bowl full of chocolate-chip cookie dough and do something.  Others however are lost in their haze of refined sugar, alcohol and fat and stand at risk perhaps of missing out on the tremendous growth possible beneath our Jupiter ruled skies.  To these latter I say; STOP EATING THE CHOCOLATE-CHIP COOKIE DOUGH, YO.  THAT SHIT IS FUCKIN’ GROSS.  At least masturbate or something.

If your still recovering from gun wounds received during last month’s all Saturn gang-bang extravaganza then please, disregard the first paragraph of this entry. 

While it is true that the whole of this March will not be negotiable without varying degrees of intoxication and sexual indiscretion this is not to be misconstrued with a free-pass to lay in your water-bed until you get sores.  You totally can do that for most of March if want but your pass isn’t free, your ass will get dumped in April.  I am glad to find that for many the increasing pressures of the last couple months terminated in bottles of Jack Daniels and enough weed you could stuff a mattress with it and so are really just to fucking hung-over at this point to go hard.  Saved from your feeble self-control by your complete lack of motivation, it’s the Piscean way.           

The bright clear inspirations of February already begin to tarnish beneath the weight of practical execution, if you have even managed to act yet.  Pisces will happily reward a less-than-Herculean effort, you really don’t have to work that hard for the universe to take notice of you right now but it is your efforts it will notice.  If last month brought legal problems for you prepare to be confronted with them, Venus makes her pass through Aquarius behind the rest of the gang and her trine to Saturn will likely initiate the legal proceedings.  The truly unlucky still sitting in jail will probably get out over the next couple of days while the Moon makes its pass through Aries and transits Jupiter.

As I mentioned in the last Doom Fairy entry, this is also an excellent time to find out who stabbed you in the back last month.  Back-biting, slanderous gossip, complete fabrications slung in the name of character assassinations and unconscionable seductions are pretty much par for the course over the next couple of weeks so you might as well get in on the action.  Be forewarned however that if you’re not careful with your confidences they might catch up with you in April when that chick you slammed while you were dishing with your girlfriends punches you in the tit because it got back to her from her brother’s cousin’s ex-girlfriend. 

Tweet