Showing posts with label Mars Taurus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mars Taurus. Show all posts

Friday, September 9, 2011

Prophecies of the Doom Fairy, pt. X

Astrology for Whores and Hustlers

September is an interesting month, unofficially kicking off with two planetary stations.  Mercury went direct followed shortly thereafter with Jupiter’s retrograde station.  These two will define the next month and a half roughly as the hands that guide.  For things to have went back to normal, to have meaningfully swayed the impulse back towards the status quo would have involved a kind of normalizing growth that just isn’t possible in a catastrophic wasteland.  So chipper, I know.

Jupiter wants shit to grow, wants to create opportunities for expansion and contemplation and as it moved forward through Taurus this year it found nothing.  Taurus the world populated by our individual concepts of luxury and pleasure was full of economic collapse and unbelievable catastrophy.  Here in the comfy industrialized west it was suddenly not so comfy anymore.  Only dark stars grew in magnitude.  When Jupiter stationed it addressed both the Sun and Venus, its fellow sect lights and it gave what it could where it could.

Jupiter is going to stay in Taurus for the rest of the year and where it has failed to find a means to exact its function it will begin the process of creating them.  This will be the clearest overtone to mark Jupiter’s retrograde as distinct from what has come thus far.  What gifts it had to give it has now done so and a new much more creative process is beginning.  Although a retrograde Jupiter is not going to give you a new house it will provide you with the means of constructing your own.  Those resources and boons which accompanied Jupiter’s station must now be put to work at something altogether different from what has went before.  If the station enriched you, then you have some very deep obligations to put those resources towards the new direction materializing before you.  You are a part of the change, squandering these resources would be foolish indeed.

Mercury leaving Leo and clearing the final degrees that have troubled it over the previous weeks seals the necessity for change.  Only rock stars progress from here.  It is not enough for you to be sensitive and thoughtful during the apocalypse, you have to be the very best at what you do or you have to be the only one doing what you do.  Those are your two options.  What new opportunities those nefarious enough to be blessed by these transits have received might know the proper course in this manner.  Take the road the belongs only to you and own that shit.

Owning it will take some time actually but you will get a really good chance to lay the ground work over the coming weeks while the Sun, Mercury (free of Leo today) and Venus are all loosely trine Jupiter in Virgo and Pluto is hiding in the shadows of Capricorn in case you need a loan shark or a hitman... and you probably will but I digress.  Thats a potent earth trine that will make it relatively easy to lay an effective groundwork for your mad schemes.  While Jupiter’s retrograde puts the final nail in the coffin of global economic recovery it also simultaneously will encourage a kind of volatility in the financial sectors that can and will be exceptionally profitable to the creatively inclined.

Expect the next two weeks to be especially chaotic, the emphasis on pacing which arose from earlier transit’s is now passing and Virgo is lending everything a crisp and immediate necessity.   Now is the time to get on your shit.  So get on it.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Prophecies of the Doom Fairy, pt. VII

Astrology for Whores and Hustlers


(4:20 pm, 13th May, 2011)

I’m back!  Being a considerate Canadian, I thought it was only fair to give you lot a break from my disturbingly accurate evil omens.  Break’s over.  It’s like that time Death decided to ride the pink unicorn instead of the undead stallion just to fuck with your mind, for a second there you thought you were going to be just fine. 

Well you’re not but you got some respite coming and I’ll wager most of you will need it.  Soon Taurus will be boss and you will finally get a chance to just lay back and let your breast implants heal.  The next week is an awesome time to not talk to anyone of the opposite sex even though you will most likely be consumed with the desire to do so.  Currently though Venus is in her emo-cutter phase (about a week left of that) and Mars is primarily sitting on his ass eating an all meat diet and smelling like a cheese boutique (oh yes ladies, that’s just began).

Mars is just over the cusp in Venus-ruled Taurus while Venus is still closing the last degrees of Aries hand in hand with Mercury.  Neither has any particular dignity and each rules the other.   There is a fun sexual element to the arrangement, the aggressive feminine and the sensual masculine.  The election definitely favors whores over hustlers for the next week or so and then levels out.  Venus once in Taurus is highly sensual but in a purer sense than the self-afflicted emo-cutter that lives in Aries, the inherent insecurity of Aries-style conquest will become unappealing.  Venus will want friends and lovers, to hold court in the sign of her rulership. 

Tables won’t turn for the hustlers of the world until Jupiter gets its ass into Taurus as well and gets down to the business of turning the last two months of chaos into some fucking bling.  We are a couple of weeks away from that though.  Before that happens the Sun will trip some evil stars and that shit will find its expression in your personal relationships so my advice is to stop cutting yourself, drink some fruit juice and take a long enough shower to wash the gouda off.  Then instead of talking have unrelenting oral sex for the next two and a half weeks.  Without stopping.  

Literally every time you take someone’s genitals out of your mouth and use it to speak something enormously retarded will come out and then you will be punched in the face by an angel.  In lieu of genitals, joints are also recommended but avoid food because you already smell like cheese and also booze because you’re already prone to saying things that are retarded.  

Joints and genitals, trust me.