Showing posts with label genitals and joints. Show all posts
Showing posts with label genitals and joints. Show all posts

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Here There Be Dragons




The world is changing.  It is doing it at such an accelerated pace that a huge portion of the populace is actually willfully retreating into Dark Age levels of ignorance.  A recent poll showed that more Americans hold firm to the belief that the world is six thousand years old and that God created humanity out of a man who got tired of fucking the sheep and one of his ribs then did ten years ago.  Young western women are campaigning for ‘women’s rights’ like the Hijab and an end to fast legal access to abortions.  That is so fucked up I can’t even begin to wrap my head around it.

In the last two years the Peterman Glacier in Greenland has calved ice islands several times larger than Manhattan Island, more than a third of its floating ice.  When they calculate sea-level rise it is based on the waters rate of expansion due to the incremental rising of global average temperatures.  That’s why the number is always so small; it totally doesn’t factor in water being added due to glacial melt.   That’s because when something like the Peterman Glacier calving takes place it is the loss of ‘floating ice’, which doesn’t actually change the amount of water in the world’s oceans.  Ice is water you see and it matters not what state it is in, global ocean volume remains the same.  It is the miles and miles of inland glacial mass that can change the sea-level in more dramatic and catastrophic ways because it sits on the land and is not a factor on sea-level.  Unless it melts.

The scientific community hasn’t worried over much about the implications of the loss of land-bound glacial mass because they are far more resilient in the face of our planets climate mood-swings.  There is no warm liquid mass beneath them to weaken their resolve, there are no rising and falling tides to fracture and corrupt them.  They are titans, unshakeable.

Except, it turns out what happens to one end of a glacial mass (the floating end) has a pronounced impact on the other end.  The Arctic’s land-bound glacial masses are literally running into the sea, buoyed on hidden rivers of melt-water that have borrowed themselves through the glacier to the rock beneath.  Apparently, scientists totally didn’t see that one coming.  If glacial ice loss continues at its current rate than every drop of melt water by the end of this decade will contribute directly to sea-level rise. 

This deeply excites me, in an almost sexual way.  The apocalypse will not just be a thing of commerce and politics exclusively; it will remake the surface of the planet.  The Northwest Passage has been clear for two years running; the ice bridge between Canada and Greenland is officially no more.  Sea’s now exist where before there was only ice, the old maps now lie and must be re-charted, dragons now haunt their false outlines.  The planet is being renewed, we as a species have pushed it too far and it will compensate by fucking shit up, trying some new stuff out.  And the brave among us will get to be explorers again, not just in blossoming scientific fields like genetics or micro-processing or elaborate industrial fabrication techniques, in the old sense of standing on a boat and staring into black uncharted waters.  It is an age meant for someone like me and I intend to fucking ball.

The present climate-change denial is really just the most current iteration of the science-denial that has made the established monotheist religions look stupid since the Renaissance.  I am not even going to go there, really what’s the point?  If you subscribe to their dogma, you’re an idiot.  There will be no trotting out of archaic morality and the ‘it’s helpful to not be an ass’ arguments so common to these discussions (which cannot be dignified with the term ‘debate’ as that term suggests both sides have a valid point,) because that position is disingenuous at best and self-deceptive the rest (and most) of the time.  Christianity/Judaism/Islamic world views do not make the world better and they do not make you better.  They make you an idiot and a willful one at that. 

The old animists had it right, if there is a singular creative force in the universe it doesn’t give a rats ass how often you masturbate, how many abortions you have had or if you feel bad for hurting my feelings.  The world is possessed of a spirit of its own and when that spirit is not respected it beats your ass silly.  So I congratulate you on your abortion/gay-sex/stem-cell research, you are a child of the new world and you are right, deeply and pervasively correct.  Anyone that tells you otherwise is a demonstrable fool.  I am writing for you, to you because real debate is only possible when we have kicked the morons out of the room.

It had to be said.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Prophecies of the Doom Fairy, pt. VII

Astrology for Whores and Hustlers


(4:20 pm, 13th May, 2011)

I’m back!  Being a considerate Canadian, I thought it was only fair to give you lot a break from my disturbingly accurate evil omens.  Break’s over.  It’s like that time Death decided to ride the pink unicorn instead of the undead stallion just to fuck with your mind, for a second there you thought you were going to be just fine. 

Well you’re not but you got some respite coming and I’ll wager most of you will need it.  Soon Taurus will be boss and you will finally get a chance to just lay back and let your breast implants heal.  The next week is an awesome time to not talk to anyone of the opposite sex even though you will most likely be consumed with the desire to do so.  Currently though Venus is in her emo-cutter phase (about a week left of that) and Mars is primarily sitting on his ass eating an all meat diet and smelling like a cheese boutique (oh yes ladies, that’s just began).

Mars is just over the cusp in Venus-ruled Taurus while Venus is still closing the last degrees of Aries hand in hand with Mercury.  Neither has any particular dignity and each rules the other.   There is a fun sexual element to the arrangement, the aggressive feminine and the sensual masculine.  The election definitely favors whores over hustlers for the next week or so and then levels out.  Venus once in Taurus is highly sensual but in a purer sense than the self-afflicted emo-cutter that lives in Aries, the inherent insecurity of Aries-style conquest will become unappealing.  Venus will want friends and lovers, to hold court in the sign of her rulership. 

Tables won’t turn for the hustlers of the world until Jupiter gets its ass into Taurus as well and gets down to the business of turning the last two months of chaos into some fucking bling.  We are a couple of weeks away from that though.  Before that happens the Sun will trip some evil stars and that shit will find its expression in your personal relationships so my advice is to stop cutting yourself, drink some fruit juice and take a long enough shower to wash the gouda off.  Then instead of talking have unrelenting oral sex for the next two and a half weeks.  Without stopping.  

Literally every time you take someone’s genitals out of your mouth and use it to speak something enormously retarded will come out and then you will be punched in the face by an angel.  In lieu of genitals, joints are also recommended but avoid food because you already smell like cheese and also booze because you’re already prone to saying things that are retarded.  

Joints and genitals, trust me.