Friday, February 25, 2011

Prophecies of the Doom Fairy, pt. II

Astrology for Whores and Hustlers
(Written, 12:30 am, February 24th, 2011. )  

For the last two days hustlers and whores everywhere have rejoiced.  Finally that epic 4 planet stellium in Aquarius has moved on to Pisces, and rulership has passed from Saturn (who just turned retrograde and mean) to Jupiter.  Finally we can go back to be rewarded for our charm and craftiness instead of how hard we work.  That shit was getting tedious.  I am reaching back about a month here.

Saturn and Jupiter are opposing each other and that is creating some high weirdness.  Our relationships are being tested at every turn, (is this guy in the dashing khaki’s a narc? do I really have to tell you again to stop jizzing in my ear?).  Keep in mind that you are being simultaneously just as annoying as everyone else is, (what does this shithead have against khakis? whats the big deal if I jizz in your ear?).  The imposition of rules was what that was all about, a sort of generalized ‘this is how it’s going to be’. 

Some of you are probably up on charges already or crashing and burning.  You got a month or so for recuperation.

If you didn’t get popped and you didn’t freak out then you’re in pretty good standing.  Even if that meant being regrettably confrontational over things that were previously non-issues, Saturn the planet that loves rules was on your side ($500 extra to jizz in my ear, never ever wear khakis in my sight ever again). 

Who knows, maybe that khaki-wearing, ear-jizzing freak was a narc or something and those that didn’t bounce his ass are most likely the same as those that got popped.  That brings us up to now roughly.

I am relieved to say, that part is over.  Those of you left standing after the bombs finished falling are in for a prosperous time one way or the other because half of your rivals went down in the crossfire, so there is some business to be had and vacuums to be filled.  The caveat to this new found plenty is that half your allies also got taken out in the crossfire so you’re likely a bit more vulnerable then you were in January. 

For now however, the battle has ceased and some dangerously ambiguous espionage is going to happen. This many planets in Pisces means some accentuated 12th house action … you might want to find out who invited the khaki-wearing ear-jizzer.  Careful observation over the next couple of weeks will reveal where your new alliances should lay and who you should avoid (this might surprise you).

If you got popped or freaked out, stop freaking out now.  If you can sort the wreckage in the next couple of weeks then you’re golden, no permanent damage done.  Most likely anyone popped over the last month won’t see a court date until April at the soonest so lay low this month and obscure your trail, they’ll have a mess of new problems to deal with by the end of March and you’ll be long forgotten by then.   

For the next month, make your very presence in the room a gift.  Do not ask to be accepted for your horribly flawed secret self (which everything being in Pisces is going to make you want to do,) instead radiate only your best and most seductively charming persona.  Defer to the emotional and egoic needs of others and Jupiter will see you properly rewarded with something other than the long-suffering of your friends, like an extra 500 bones for ear jizz at the very least. 

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